7 reasons why I think my wife is having a vampire!

vampire baby

Vampire Baby a go go! 

As our pregnancy progresses, each passing day leaves me more convinced that my wife is having a vampire baby. My suspicions have been confirmed after days of days…err..hours…ummm….minutes…ok after Googling “vampire symptoms” and clicking on the first site which was here!

My wife is experiencing many of the symptoms:

  • Heightened senses (especially smell)
  • Often feels hungry and/or thirsty despite an adequate food diet
  • Extreme cravings for certain types of food or extreme cravings that can not be satisfied with food. She typically ends up vomitting or close to it. I am guessing because she is not feasting on blood that our baby vampire is craving.
  • Often feel run down, fatigued, tired despite an adequate food diet and activity level
  • Frequent headaches for no apparent reason especially after hitting the 10 week mark.
  • Often get sick with “flu-like” symptoms with no medical explanation when they go without feeding for a period of time especially nausea in the morning, fatigue and various aches
  • She also avoids eating or smelling garlic, claiming doesn’t​ like the smell or taste of it anymore

Mental characteristics:

  • Moodiness/mood swings/quick-tempered

 

This has to explain my wife’s symptoms. This makes me wonder now…Am I a vampire too? Is my wife? Did she get bit and now we are having a baby Blade?

But then again, my wife does say she feels like she has an alien growing inside her…

What do you think???

Adulting

Baby

My hipster art from several years ago. Doodle on a parenting magazine page.

Adult. Adulthood. Grown-up. When I was little I younger, I had an idea of what adulthood looked like: driving, voting, paying taxes, working and having a family. Now that I am an “adult” (physically at least), I am not sure what that means. I still don’t feel like an adult. The only thing that separates me from the 20 year old version of myself is that I am done with college, I’m married, I’m too old to stand at the edge of the stage at a concert for hours, I listen to NPR, talk radio and adult contemporary/top 40 radio stations and my fashion can best be summed up as “lazy.”  I’m not complaining though. I am satisfied with my little life.

I’m back like a vertebrae

Wedding Ghostwalk 094

A picture I took outside of a Church in Charleston, SC.

“So…How have you been? ”

I believe that is the appropriate question to ask since I dropped off the face of the earth a few years ago. I’ll give you the cliff notes version of what has happened: I was in an unhappy marriage 😦   I went through a divorce 🙂  I met a wonderful woman 🙂 I tricked that wonderful woman into marrying me after we dated for over a year 😉 We had an eptopic pregnancy 😦  We thought my wife possibly had cancer due to irregular cells from a pap 😦  The same day we found out she didn’t have cancer, we took a pregnancy test and got a + 🙂  I got a job offer doing therapy for more money, better benefits and near the coast of North Carolina 🙂

We just moved 3.5 hours away from where I grew up and lived for the last two years. It is nice to change and mix things up. I had been stuck in a rut. My life had become a copy of a copy of a copy.  Now, I am in a good place in my life. I am in a happy marriage, starting a new job and have a baby on the way.

Leave a comment with something good that has happened to you.

What I would rather be doing right now…

Image

This image is from the film Dracula. I copied it and got all pop art with it. The image was taken from fanpop.com, but it was made awesome by me.

 

Anything else. In this moment, I would rather be doing anything else. I am sitting in an office at 2:10 pm counting down the hours, minutes and seconds until I can break free of this cubicle prison. Do not get me wrong, I am grateful to be able to work. It’s just in this moment, I would rather be doing something else. I have achieved all the things that family and “society” have expected of me. They said “Go to school.” I did, What now? They said “Get a job.” I did, now what? They said “Get married.” I did, Now what? They said “Start a family.” We tried but no success, Now what? Now I am sitting in an office doing a job that really doesn’t satisfy me. I passed through construction work today. I passed people who were holding signs that say “Slow” and when you twist it, “Stop.” I’m sure at the end of the day, they can look at the road work and say…I accomplished something. I can’t say that I can.  I find myself living to work instead of working to live. I have a cousin who works basically enough to support his Rock Climbing habit and to put a roof over his head. Its not that I am jealous of the “freedom,” I don’t mind working hard. I compare it to working out…working out is much “harder” when you don’t enjoy the exercise. When you find a job or exercise that you enjoy, you don’t “work” a day in your life. I am glad that I have flexibility in my job but it was not what I imagined when I thought of a career- the sitting at a desk. Have you ever felt stuck? Leave your comments below.

Not suitable for children

0-3year

There was a strange abbreviation that I saw on the internet several years ago that looked like this :TTC. At first I thought the group TLC had reformed and out of respect for Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez replaced her with a member whose name started with a T. After a couple of internet searches I discovered the meaning behind it: Trying To Conceive. At the time I didn’t know what the big deal was. Why were women all over the internet “complaining” about TTC. I mean come on, it’s as simple as insert tab A into slot B and biology will do the rest. As I would find out later, sometimes biology has appointments else where. Getting pregnant is not a simple task. My wife and I have been trying for a long time. I don’t really know any more if we are really “trying.” We were told so many times “Oh relax, it will happen.” We relaxed. Nothing happened. My wife’s doctor told her to count the days she was ovulating and to “pee on a stick” or in other words get an ovulation test. I don’t know if “pee on a stick” is the proper medical term, but that is what she told my wife. We were told to basically have my wife do a handstand after sex and that will do it. Besides getting a good chuckle, nothing happened. We tried different lubricants. If someone told us to howl at a full moon, you can bet we would have tried it. It gets to the point you start to ask yourself “What did I do to deserve this?” It seems so easy for others, what is wrong with me/us? I’ve wondered if Heavenly Father is withholding the blessing of a child due to a sin I forgot to repent of. Did I take too many baths as a child? Did I set the lap top on my lap for too long? What is wrong with my little swimmers? Have I been labeled “Not Suitable for children” and not told about it? It is frustrating. Henry David Thoreau once said “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” I think this is true for the men in couples who are TTC. We are 50% of the creation process. Those negative results each month are just as hard for us. We question ourselves just as much. It’s as if each month that little line is a minus symbol telling us that there is something that we are missing. Now years later after originally discovering  the letters T T C, I’m on the internet “complaining” about TTC.

Breaking Bald

breaking bad

I don’t know if you have noticed in the past several years how “bald” has become very popular. There have been people in the past that shaved it all off because their hair was leaving them anyway (see Bruce Willis). Bryan Cranston’s Walter White is now an icon of pop culture. Even before Breaking Bad exploded, men were grabbing their razors and freeing themselves from the social confines of gel, highlights, and sculpted hair. Whether a person is losing their hair or not, men are grabbing the razor and declaring freedom. I personally enjoy the trend. I have no trouble growing hair, I just happen to not care for it anymore. My family hates when I shave my head. That is one of the drawbacks to being the baby of the family. No matter how old I get, my family freely gives their opinion on my hair styles.

Headblade is a great little blade for shaving your head. If you go to their website and look at the reviews for the headblade sport and Headslick 8 oz, you can see the reviews that I posted. They are not your typical reviews! And just for the record, when I hear someone shaved their head I think of a bald head. People use shaved head to describe a “buzz cut.” Don’t get it twisted people!